Let's end child abuse--in the Cherokee Nation and elsewhere (Tahlequah, Oklahoma)

Roger Graham's first-hand account of surviving an abusive childhood is really spot-on. Rather than getting distracted by bogus theories, Graham hones in on the main reason why he and his mother never told anybody about the abuse: To do so would have been a death sentence at the hands of his UNNAMED DAD. He also does a great job of describing the psychological impact of growing up with an abuser: how you "run amok" in your own mind (love that phrase), the "disorganization," the inability to focus in school, and the subsequent academic handcaps that follow for even an obviously intelligent person like Graham. This is also an important piece for highlighting domestic violence and child abuse in the Native American (and specifically Cherokee) community.

http://www.cherokeephoenix.org/20832/Article.aspx

Let’s end child abuse

Roger Graham
By Roger Graham
Media Specialist

The number of Cherokee children in protective services programs or waiting for foster parents is staggering. Many of them have suffered greatly prior to being removed from their homes. For most, their scars will become lifelong obstacles. Further understanding the effects of abuse must be established to help abuse victims, as many attempt or commit suicide.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, suicide is the third-leading cause of death amongst youth between ages 10 and 24, with about 4,500 deaths each year. Cultural variations in suicide rates also exist, with Native American, Alaskan Native and Hispanic youth having the highest rates of suicide-related fatalities.

Based upon recent data from the Indian Health Service, suicide rates on tribal lands are characterized by younger people engaging in fatal and nonfatal suicidal behavior at much higher rates than the overall U.S. population.

In 2004, the suicide rates for American Indians and Alaska Natives were many times the national average for other population groups. For 5- to 14-year-olds, the suicide rate is 2.6 times higher than the national average. And there is an even greater disparity in the later teenage years and into young adulthood. The suicide rate for American Indian /Alaska Native youth aged 15 to 24 is 3.3 times higher than the national average. In fact, young people aged 15 to 24 make up 40 percent of all suicides in Indian Country.

It is possible to describe these scars because I am one of these statistics. The good news is that I am much more than just that. My Cherokee father died on March 1, leaving behind abuse and destruction. My mother and I lived in fear for more than a decade. We tried for years to block memories and even his existence long after his violent days had past, allowing him to never really pay for his sins.

There was no way out for my Mom or me at the time. Molestation and domestic abuse were often called “family matters” and no one else’s business. Through beatings and threats, mom and I both knew that revealing anything was a death sentence. We lived in terror. Each day I’d run to the school bus knowing all that should be told, but couldn’t.

Unlike the nurtured child, children who live through abuse constantly run amok inside their own minds. Always disorganized, they search desperately for the skills they know they have, but just can’t find. In school I had a terrible time concentrating. A teacher once put me in what we then called slow class. I remember being so angry that day that I took the “slow” book home and completed several weeks of assignments overnight. They returned me to regular class soon after but I was always behind in my schoolwork.

In my case, my dad’s attacks ended at 15 when gymnastics made me strong enough to fight him, but the torment of those memories carried on for years. Coming out of high school I was one of the top gymnasts in the US. I had scholarship offers and decided on the University of New Mexico, but the years devoid of focus or concentration finally caught up with me and I lost my scholarship my freshman year.

It’s terribly frustrating having the ability to excel in school but no skills to persevere. I continue to struggle with this problem. I am most regretful for not finding the help needed to continue my education.

Through sports, stunt work and broadcasting, I’ve travelled the world and met wonderful people. My successes include competing for the U.S. team in both diving and gym. I coached gymnastics and built gym programs for children’s homes and Boys and Girls Clubs.

Victims of abuse must understand that they are not alone and that these cycles can and must be broken. Whether the acts are physical, sexual or mental, all abusers are criminally negligent, causing painful wounds. Abuse remains widespread in several areas inside in Indian Country.

So please, if you are suffering through abuse, tell an unaffiliated adult, a teacher, a doctor, a coach or police officer. And if you are abusing, get help. Stop a crime that lasts for a lifetime. Through will and determination, I believe Cherokees can overcome anything. I’m living proof.

Reach Media Specialist Roger Graham at (918) 207-3969 or roger-graham@cherokee.org