Mom "reunited" with surviving children, after custodial dad, step "allegedly" murdered 3-year-old girl (Kampung Sungai Tiram, Malaysia)

We've posted on this case before. A sentimental opposition to cruelty to children is a lovely thing, truly. But all this fine sentiment neatly sidesteps any recognition of the patriarchal social system that refused to grant this mother initial custody (initial custody was granted to the grandfather), or that allowed the father to "take away" the children and deny the mother contact. It's just dandy that the mother has been "reunited" with two of the surviving children, but does that mean she has custody now or that she will be granted custody soon? If not, why not? Haven't these kids suffered enough?

Notice that the "alleged" killer dad suddenly loses his name here. Well here at Dastardly, we like to name names whenever possible. So here it is: NURAFIZAN LUDU.

http://news.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne%2BNews/Crime/Story/A1Story20110119-259099.html

Wed, Jan 19, 2011
New Straits Times

Breaking little hearts and bodies

CHILD abuse is once again in the headlines following the recent death of a 3-year-old girl in Kampung Sungai Tiram, Johor.

A post-mortem report showed that Nur Dania Qistina Nurafizan died of internal bleeding in her lungs. She sustained 73 wounds, and had blue black marks on her chest.

Just the mention of the wounds was enough to send chills down the spines of people who read about the tragedy.

Many people felt angry too, and they quickly pointed fingers at Dania's custodians at the time.

She and her two siblings were staying at a house with their father and stepmother.

Police have so far detained the 30-year-old man and the 25-year-old woman for investigations, which have been classified under Section 302 of the Penal Code as murder.

The news got worse when it was revealed that Dania's two siblings -- Nur Diana Batrisha, 5, and her 1-year-old brother, Danish Irsyad -- were also allegedly abused.

How a person could abuse a child is beyond me. Regardless of how children may act and say, they need to be protected by their parents, relatives and caretakers.

Damage has already been done, as the surviving siblings of Dania will take a long time to recover from the psychological trauma.

Though their physical scars may heal, it is their psyche that is most affected. The children need to be counselled in order for them to trust adults again.

For now, we can find comfort in the knowledge that the children's mother, Nur Aquilla Razali, 27, has been reunited with the two children.

Nur Aquilla was unaware of her children's whereabouts for three months after her husband took them away from their grandparents' home in Tenggaroh, Mersing.

A news report indicated that the couple were separated.

Nur Aquilla only found out about her children's whereabouts after hearing about Dania's death on Jan 9.

Whatever the outcome of the investigation, it is heartbreaking and sad to think of what happened to Dania. Her memory lies with her family, who remember her as a friendly and loving child.

The painful thing about child mortalities, especially if they occur in tragic circumstances, is it reminds us of the many "what ifs".

What if Dania lived a long and prosperous life? She may have been a doctor, painter, lawyer or even a prime minister.

What if she were better taken care of by the adults around her? This poses the question of what went wrong. Some cases of child abuse are mind-boggling because the children in question are placed in the most dangerous situations.

I do not claim to be an expert on raising children or on child care, but I do know it is inhuman and wrong to hurt innocent children.

Children are supposed to be cared for by their custodians.

Children are sometimes naughty and loud, as my limited experience with my nephews and nieces has taught me. But that is part of their nature.

Their naughtiness and cheekiness are part of their innocence. Their wonder of the world lead them to provoke and joke and make fun of every day things.

To children, the world is a wonderful place holding many promises.

Adults like me tend to view the world differently, as our child-like wonder erodes over the years.
In terms of disciplining children, my friends who are parents say it is necessary to be firm. Yes, spanking and caning is allowed to instil discipline. God knows, I have received such corporal punishment during my childhood.

But there is a big difference between imposing punishment and hurting a child.

We still do not know for how long Dania was physically abused as she had sustained those 73 wounds.

But one thing's for sure: as a tiny 3-year-old girl, she was powerless to protect herself against any physical abuse.

She and her siblings were probably scared and there was no way they could have asked for help. Their trust in adults may have been shattered after they were abused.

It pains us to think of what may have happened in the house that Dania lived in.

All we know is that we would not want such things to happen to our children, or any other child ever again.

-New Straits Times