Friday, November 19, 2010

Disquiet over growing number of cases of fathers sexually abusing their daughters (Lagos, Nigeria)

"Incest" is a vague word. Does it mean a consensual marriage with your cousin? Then who cares? But the cases below are different than incest as such. These are cases involving fathers who raped and sexually abused their daughters.

Notice that dad PHILIP BEN not only raped his daughter, but tried to f*** with her head too, by claiming that she "seduced" him. He also threatened to kill her if she told. Typical abuser sh**.

Then there's dad YESILE ONAJOBE, who also claims he was "seduced." Also notice that he became a custodial dad after the girl's mother died and she was forced to move in with molester daddy.

The reality is that without an adult woman in the house, young girls are very vulnerable to male sexual abuse, whether by their fathers or by other men involved with the family.

Also observe that in Nigeria, which is apparently less affected by modern"gender neutrality" political correctness, this reality is made explicit. Unlike the U.S., Canada, Australia, and other places in the west, Nigerian officials are not afraid to identify the problem as arising--at least in part--from the oppression of women and mothers and/or the lack of a mother in the home. In addition, they clearly identify unemployed/deadbeat fathers as a problem (the same guys who are romanticized as "stay-at-home" dads in the west). But this is the critical statement, now completely taboo in the west where "joint custody" and "father involvement" are now official doctrine:

"The best protection is the presence of a credible mother figure. When there is divorce, the girls should stay with their mothers until they are of age.”

I couldn't agree more.

And I like this too. We need to "stigmatize" the perpetrator. Which is also not done in the western countries anymore either. On the contrary, protective mothers are labeled liars or alienators and even lose custody if they bring up sexual abuse allegations, especially within the context of a divorce or separation. Or Daddy is forced back into the family through "reunification" schemes. It all ends with the same result: continued sexual abuse with no accountability.

Disquiet over growing cases of incest in Nigeria
Friday, 19 November 2010 00:00 Juliana Francis

What sort of sexual attraction could be strong enough to compel a father to start having sexual intercourse with his biological daughter?

This is part of the question agitating the minds of several people in Lagos, where two cases of fathers getting their daughters pregnant was recently uncovered.

The two cases actually came to the open because the abominable affairs led to pregnancies. Indeed, one of the victims recently delivered a baby girl.

The reality is that cases of incest are on the increase, with the majority not reported to the police.

Most of the time, family members prefer to hush up such cases to prevent them from becoming public knowledge.

The first gripping father and daughter sexual affair that caught the attention of Nigerians was that of 37-year-old Philip Ben, who not only deflowered his daughter, but also impregnated her.

But if people were expecting him to be filled with remorse, they were mistaken, as he snarled that his teenage daughter actually seduced him..

Police spokesman, Frank Mba, said the suspect, Philip Ben, had been sexually assaulting his daughter for two years before he was found out, though, the suspect claimed he had only slept with her daughter twice.

It was only when the investigating police officer decided to conduct a pregnancy on the victim that it was discovered she was already pregnant.

The victim, who was, then, in primary six, subsequently, revealed that the violation started a few years back, after her father woke her up in the middle of the night and forced-fed her a suspected alcoholic drink

She, subsequently, fell into a deep sleep during which she believed her father raped her for the first time.

She said: “It was my father who deflowered me. Nobody had ever slept with me except my father. Anytime he had sex with me, he would give me medicine and hot drink. I can’t count the number of times he has had had sex with me. He said he would kill me if I told anyone. He used to wake me whenever I was sleeping.”

The suspect, who is a driver from Akwa-Ibom State, called his daughter a blatant liar, swearing that she was the one that seduced him.

According to him, he first felt the urge to sleep with his daughter one fateful night when he woke up in the middle of the night to find her lying stark naked beside him.

Giving further a account of the incident, the suspect said: “If she had not come to me, this would not have happened. I sent her away several times but she kept disturbing me until I gave in. I came home very late one night feeling very tired and slept off immediately. I woke up later in the middle of the night and saw her lying naked beside me. She seduced me and I have only had sex with her twice. I can’t recall the first time but the second time was in May. And even the first time I had sex with her I discovered she was no longer a virgin. She can’t say no to sex. She never once resisted. You people are just blaming me for nothing. You don’t know how a woman can behave. Sometimes she would be the one to touch me first before I would be moved to respond to her advances. Anyway, the deed had been done. I only pray that God will forgive me.

The sordid affair was eventually discovered after a teacher in the school the girl was attending noticed some physiological changes in her and advised Ben to take her for medical check up.

The second case was that of 14-year-old Kehinde Onajobi, who was not only impregnated by his biological father, but had actually delivered a female child from the pregnancy.

The culprit, Yesile, as in the first case, claimed his daughter seduced him. He also declined paternity of the child on the ground that it was an abomination.

Also, the victim, who cried throughout her interaction with journalists, when the case was made public, said she would be happy if the government could get someone to adopt the baby.

Speaking on the incident, deputy police spokesman in Lagos, Samuel Jinadu, said the affair started 10 months ago.

Our correspondent gathered that immediately it became obvious that the girl was pregnant, family members and neighbours asked Yesile if he knew anything about it, but consistently denied having any knowledge she was pregnant.

The victim had started living with her father together with her twin brother, after their mother’s death four years ago.

He later remarried but his new wife left him soon afterwards for unexplained reasons, following which he turned on his daughter.

Experts described incest as the most common form of sexual abuse, yet, the most under-reported.

Judy Wright, a family relationship coach, said “this type of abuse and betrayal of trust has the most potential for psychological and emotional harm to children. Incest has been called a violation of the child where he or she lives with a person who has trust and authority over them. A child molested by a stranger can run home for help and comfort. A victim of incest cannot!”

According to Wright, “it was generally considered incest if the child had been used in a sexual manner by fathers, or step-fathers, mothers, or step-mothers, brothers, sisters or cousins as well as members of their extended family such as grandparents, aunts and uncles.

She said further that “incest can happen in any family and can happen one time or be an on-going problem. People who were themselves victims of physical and sexual abuse may not know any other way to relate to their children. Boundaries are crossed and sacred trusts are broken. Sometimes there is confusion in family roles and if the parent is absent, either physically or emotionally, the child is forced into that role. Sometimes an adult will rationalise what they are doing is a ‘service’ to the child to teach them about sex and prepare them for adulthood.”

Also in ‘Everything You Need to Know About Incest,’ Karen Bornemann, stressed that victims of incest often felt trapped and sometimes foolishly believed that such sexual assaults were their fault.

She further noted: “Incest happens because an abuser chooses to follow strong sexual feelings. Abusers know their actions are wrong, but they choose to put their sexual desires before the needs of the young people they abuse.”

Also attempting to explain the psychology of perpetrators, Bornemann said: “Abusers usually have a low opinion of themselves, even if they are very successful in their jobs. They feel they lack control over their sexual and emotional lives. They think of incest as a way to show power over someone else.”

She explained further that most abusive parents do not actually want to hurt their children and usually hate what they are doing, but cannot stop. “They are mentally ill and need help. In many cases, they too were abused sexually as children. They may be continuing the pattern of behaviours that they learned as children,” she added.

The Lagos Zonal Head of the National Agency for Prohibition on Trafficking in Persons and other related matters (NAPTIP), Mr. Godwin Morka noted: “It is really a trend that saddens the heart. The breakdown of the family system and values is at the heart of this problem. Where the mother is absent or subjugated, she cannot raise her voice against the man’s onslaught against the family, including the daughters.

“Many men also find themselves forced to spend time at home due to unemployment and business failures. The best protection is the presence of a credible mother figure. When there is divorce, the girls should stay with their mothers until they are of age.”

Morka added: “Girls should be taught to share their experiences with older female relatives, the church or other persons with sufficient authority to call the father to order. Even where the father is the breadwinner, the girl should report to the police or other law enforcement agencies or the Ministry of Social Welfare. They will ensure that the father does not renege on his responsibilities towards his daughter.”

Praise Fowowe, a sexual recovery expert and family crisis manager, explained that incest was on the increase because of notable increase in the number of Internet websites dedicated to pornography.

He noted: “Also the fact that some of the fathers we are producing were violated as well when they were younger could be part of the increase in the trend. Also, the fact that nothing was done to the perpetrators whose cases were reported years before has strengthened others to commit the same crime. The solutions would be effective sexuality education. The only way is for every child to be adequately equipped and we have a kit that some homes have been started using.

“Mothers must learn to raise the alarm whenever they observe stuff like this and if we start teaching sexuality education to school children, they would be able to report cases and get help. Lagos State government has homes to which victims could be relocated. It is a fight we all must rise to fight and win. We must begin to stigmatise perpetrator.”