Why "Billy" Cries (Saratoga County, New York)

This reminds me of my experiences with child psychologist Anthony Bongiovanni, M. Dean Patton, GAL Sandra Swanson, Judge Willard Cass, and Judge Judith Claire--but at the other end of the state in Chautauqua County. Same rampant indifference to domestic violence and child abuse, same blatant pro-fathers rights bias. My daughter ended up spending 11 years in the home of her abusive and neglectful father as a result.

http://www.northcountrygazette.org/2011/05/21/billy_cries/

Why “Billy” Cries
Posted on Saturday, 21 of May , 2011 at 5:07 pm
COMMENTARY

By June Maxam

Parental rights v. Family Court.
The reality is played out every day in our failing courts.

The Saratoga County Family Court system abandoned an abused five-year-old boy by granting custody to an abusive parent resulting in wrenching heartache for a mother whose weeping tears for her child are prayers for help.

Victims of abuse are often faceless, perhaps to protect our own psyche as well as protecting the victim. It’s easier to disassociate the harsh reality of human suffering. As you read the sad but true story below, associate this child dear to you, put yourself in the footsteps of the mother and be resolved to work to end the tyranny too often imposed by our so-called justice system.

The story is as originally written by the mother, replacing only actual names and dates, to allow you to graphically grasp what has happened, what does happen in our courts.

When she was 27, this mother’s son, Billy, was born. The joy of parenthood was replaced by domestic violence. The father often would spit repeatedly at the mother of his son, stuff her mouth with dirty socks, go off into a rage of violence spurred by jealousy, tie her hands with shoe strings.

The loving home Billy should have been raised in was swiftly replaced by a bitter custody battle. According to a sworn statement by Billy’s grandmother, “Billy’s father admitted in Family Court that while under his care, he and two other adults held Billy down and administered an enema to him because he had kept the father up all night crying”.

The court granting the father custody of Billy in essence rewarded such heinous acts at the cost of Billy’s well being.

Below is a mother’s plea for help.

My story is just one of many Family Court cases that are simply heartbreaking and unjust. Not only does my son now suffer the consequences of a bad decision made by the court, so do I. This is one of the most disgusting, most “dirty” cases that I have ever heard.

The pre-trial begins. The law guardian for my son completely ignored me when I tried to talk to him. He held his hand up to me and said. “I will see what the evaluations say”.

Well, after the next court session was over, my aunt, father and I saw the law guardian in the parking lot talking to my son’s grandfather for a good 20 minutes. This really got me upset. I felt as if I was being belittled. What I had to say was worthless. Why was what he had to say more significant than what I had to say? What were they talking about? I still wonder to this day. I’ll never know.

The next thing is the psychological evaluation. Advised by my so-called attorney, I was told to tell all about the abuse that I was subjected to in the relationship and what kind of person my son’s father really was. I did just that. This was my first mistake, listening to the attorney.

The psychologist asked what visitation I thought the father should have. I suggested that if he set up in a way so that it would not have to be changed again in the fall when my son would begin to attend kindergarten. I told him it had already been changed two or three times and that my son has gone through enough changes since we left, that he needed some stability and consistency.

This man took everything I had and twisted it in such a way that it looked as though I wanted my son to have no time with his father. He also accused me of lying about the abuse in the relationship, implying that I had something to hide, maybe I was the abuser. I was too straightforward about it. He also stated that I was not fit to nourish the relationship between my son and his father.

My advice on this note is NEVER breathe of word of abuse within a relationship if you want to keep your child. It will be turned around and used against you. This I can guarantee!

The trial begins. It starts off with the evaluation. This is not good at all. I look really bad. My son’s father and his witnesses testify first. Throughout each of their testimonies the judge was sure to clear up anything that was negative towards me. Allowed into the court were pieces of evidence that were not complete. My son’s grandfather had picked the parts that were most incriminating towards me and left out anything that would “hurt” his son in the trial. The judge, knowing full well that all of the evidence was not there, allowed it into the record.

None of my son’s father’s witnesses could keep a story straight. They all varied. An example is one said my ex was working two jobs when the others said he was working one. This would have to do with the amount of quality time my ex could spend with out son. There is a lot more but keep in mind this is just bits and pieces. They judge would step right in and say things to my son’s father’s witnesses like “I know this is confusing”.

EXAMPLE: A question for my son’s father by my lawyer:

What efforts have you made in the past year to foster a loving relationship between your son and his mother?

The judge: “If you don’t know, then you can say you don’t know”.

There’s nothing like helping him along. There are a lot of other examples through the testimony. The judge tends to be very biased. He helped all of my son’s father’s witnesses out with their testimony, especially when they would struggle for an answer. He even went so far as to suggest that one of them seemed like they had something more to say at one point and encouraged him to tell the court. Leading the witness?

Throughout my son’s father’s testimony, he openly admits to marrying a foreigner just to keep her in the country and admits to physically abusing me. All of this is completely ignored by the court.

My aunt had called 911 for me one time but because I did not press charges, the court overlooked this. I called the officer in to testify and when the judge wanted to clear up what year this was, his response was, “oh, it was a million years ago”.

At the end of the officer’s testimony, the judge asked my lawyer, “what was the significance of that?”

I was totally disgusted. I decided to call the doctor in who had done the evaluation in order to clear up his report. When asked questions like, if someone was to have a picture of the other parent on the wall, take parenting class (stress prevention) give pictures that the child made in daycare to the other parent to let them see what they are doing, would these be considered steps towards nourishing the relationship with the other parent? He responded yes. These are all things that I had been doing and my attorney questioned me on these as well.

My attorney also cleared up the point about setting up my son’s visitation in preparation for the school year so there would both be more changes made in his life. The doctor stated in his report that my son’s father had made some choices without thinking first, being quick to get angry, having many suspensions from school.

Then he said my son’s father has outgrown that type of attitude. This is ridiculous to me. I know for a fact that he has not outgrown any of this. My son’s father had to be taken off certain routes at his job because he couldn’t treat the business owners that he was delivering to with respect. The court also knows that he cheated on me with his current wife. How does this show concern for your child in the way of knowing that you will break up your family? Basically, everything my son’s father had done to me and our son was okay in the eyes of the judge, the law guardian and the doctor. This was all normal behavior for someone who cares about their child?

I want to know how one changes from having a history of violence (physical and verbal abuse) to no longer being that way, without any help. Overnight he became this person, one who can control his temper and attitude towards people and it is not abusive in any way, shape or form. This doctor also perjured himself on the stand, implying that he had met with me at least 45 minutes to an hour and my son for 30 minutes. It was in his office for 20 minutes at the most and my son 10 minutes. When the meeting was over, I had to fill out a questionnaire. He had said to me, “I am leaving so just slide it under my door when you are done”. This is a disgrace.

Upon questioning my son’s stepmother, he said that she was ready to accept some of the responsibility of raising my son with his father. It went more into depth than that. This is hard for me to understand because, at the beginning of the trial, my attorney said she might call her as a witness. The judge told her she’d have to wait outside because she might get called as a witness. She couldn’t understand what the judge was telling her. Her response was, “we have to leave, you want us to leave?” He had to tell her three times to leave. She is from Russia and I can barely understand her myself.

Well, needless to say, I lost my son to his father, despite the fact that he couldn’t be bothered to take care of him, like bathing, feeding or anything. It was always a hassle if I did ask him so most of the time I didn’t bother.

I was attending college for two years and had found a babysitter near the college. I spent a lot of nights at my mother’s. My son was with me all the time, I never left him behind.

Here is another example of what kind of person my son’s father is. The day it was time to come home from the hospital with our baby, I was a nervous wreck. The doctors was not there first thing in the morning and my son’s father was getting antsy. It was afraid he was going to start yelling and being nasty with the nurses. He was in a hurry to get us home so he could go to work. He was so mean. I wanted to stop for a coffee on our way home and he flipped. When we arrived home, he got us in the house and left immediately to go to work. He couldn’t even spend one day with us. This was extremely upsetting to me.

The judge’s decision states that the doctor didn’t change anything that he stated in his report which is not true. He says he is giving me a lot of visitation. I see my son on the second and fourth weekend of every month, from 7 p.m. Friday to 6 p.m. Sunday and two weeks out of the summer, alternating holiday on odd and even years. Now let me say that the months that have five weekends, I go three weeks without seeing my son. This is disgusting. This is not even the standard setup. I do not get him any nights out the week. NOTHING!

Now it’s a really bad scene. My son is now being abused. At his school, he is violent towards other children. He hits them, tries to cut them with scissors and pinches them. I had suggested that he should attend Banana Splits to the counselor at school. She said she thought it would be good for him.

His father said no, he didn’t need to go. I also suggested that he go to a psychologist for help. Again, his father said no. Does this not raise red flags?? Why would you deny your child help if he needs it?

My son and I were fortunate enough to have the judge order my son to see a psychologist and join Banana Splits.

Hello, something is wrong. My ex doesn’t want anyone to know what they are doing to my child!! When my son comes for his visits, he always has bruises where he shouldn’t have them. He repeatedly tells me that he gets slapped in the face, his hand slammed in doors, his ears twisted and pulled and is being called a moron. A few weeks ago, we got to the house and I made his dinner. He started crying a little and said it hurts when he chews his food. I looked in his mouth with a flashlight and the inside of his mouth was a mess. It looked as if he had bit his cheeks, like 500 times. They were literally ripped apart, one spot had like a small bloody hole. It looked as if someone grabbed his face and squeezed his cheeks so they went into his teeth.

He also had what looked like a fingernail scratch on his forehead. I asked him what happened. His eyes filled up with tears, he said his stepmother had slapped him really hard several times because he splashed water out of the tub. I decided to take him to the ER. I sat at my computer later that night staring at the phone number to child protective services, debating on whether or not to make the call. I knew my son would pay the consequences for telling me anything when he got home.

I decided to do it for my son’s sake, maybe CPS would listen. I could only hope! CPS decided to dismiss the case, my son told him he bit his cheeks. They decided it was a he said, she said thing.

My son is not allowed to tell me anything. He is scared, his father and stepmother are threatening him with something. A lot of times when I ask him anything, like how is school, his response is always, “I don’t know”. He tells me, “Daddy is smart and he can hear everything I say and the court reports to him”. Can you imagine living like this? A five-year-old, being scared to death of telling me—his mother—anything about his life at all.

I love my little boy with all my heart, my heart feels like it is being ripped out and stomped on. I feel so damn guilty!! I know for a fact that my child is being both physically and verbally abused and there is not a thing I can do to help him. It kills me to have to look at him, when and if he decides to open up to me and see the hurt in his eyes and the fear. I keep telling him “I am trying to help you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through”.

How can I keep telling him I can’t stop them from hurting him? What can I do? My heart is breaking so bad for my son. I feel like in the end he is going to hate me for allowing this to happen to him. He does not understand any of this, he is five years old. He did not ask to be born, he deserves better than this, all children do. I am helpless. This is not fair to my son.

Can anyone help my son?

EDITOR’S NOTE: Since this situation played out in Saratoga County Family Court, the father and the Russian stepmother have divorced. Billy was kicked out of the house and he lives with his grandfather.

The judge in this case was Saratoga County Family Court Judge Gilbert Abramson. He resigned in October, 2010, 10 weeks before his term was to end amidst an ongoing investigation by the NYS Commission on Judicial Conduct.

Shortly thereafter, even after Abramson voluntarily resigned, the commission issued their determination for Abramson’s removal from office for repeatedly jailing people while denying them fundamental rights like a hearing and an attorney. Abramson denied the rights despite being previously cautioned by the commission that he should advise litigants of their right to an attorney, and despite his assurances that he “‘dramatically changed’ his practices after that warning,” the commission said.

In addition, the judge made “egregious and inexcusable” sexual comments on two separate occasions to a litigant in Saratoga County Family Treatment Court, the commission said.

Abramson is appealing the ruling to the Court of Appeals.