Mother: System failed to protect my family (Wanganui, New Zealand)

Unfortunately, this mother's story is becoming all too common. And not just in New Zealand, but in nearly every country in the world.

http://www.wanganuichronicle.co.nz/local/news/system-failed-to-protect-family-mother/3932149/

System failed to protect family Mother
Staff reporter 1st December 2010

A Wanganui woman has questioned the validity of the show of strength in last Thursday's march against family violence.

Instead, she says some organisations in society, by their actions, are also perpetrators of psychological violence.

Margaret (not her real name) alleges the Family Court, lawyer, psychologist and Child Youth and Family (CYF) case worker involved in her case have all worked against her and against the best interests of her child, who is now in the custody of his father.

She said her child was not conceived by consent.

Margaret is broke and has had to turn off her hot water because she can't afford to pay the power bill. She is also paying back legal aid and there is a caveat against her house.

"I'll be paying legal aid back for years to come," said the woman, who is now on a sickness benefit.

Margaret had moved to another city to study, and - with her new qualifications - was about to go overseas when she became entangled with the man.

Not only is she coping with the judgment that stripped her of custody rights, but she's also blaming herself for putting her two older sons through the violence that the man brought into their home.

"I put up with it for three years because I could not get rid of him.

I was constantly anxious and having panic attacks."

She said her ex-partner was not only physically violent and sexually abusive but would mentally terrorise her with comments such as : "Do you know what a cadaver is?"

He also kept a big knife in the drawer beside the bed and would say: "If you love something, let it go. And if you don't, you hunt it down and kill it."

During the custody court case in 2007, her ex-partner admitted on two occasions that he had been violent toward her.

Margaret said she was judged by all involved with the case; she was called a liar and was told she "coached her son in his molestation accusations".

A pediatrician who looked at her son said he believed he had been "interfered with".

"He rang CYF but nothing was done, so I took my son to them and pleaded with them to conduct an interview.

"The Family Court does not support the family unit, because it is the personal opinion of the presiding judge.

"How is a family supposed to heal when the court breaks up a family? This is not justice."

She was also told she was "wasting the court's time and could be charged costs to pay for her ex-partner, his lawyer and court costs".

She is also concerned with the environment in which her son is growing up, and his comments about how he will deal with that violence in the future to exact revenge.

"If his father was a good person I would say, go for it. But he's not, and my son wants to come back to me.

"I cannot see how the court would allow my son to go into a dysfunctional home, but it did.

"Now I am emotionally, financially, mentally, physically and spiritually ruined."