A vicious culture we must do away with (Saudi Arabia)

Even as voices of reason argue that Saudi Arabia must do away with institutionalized fathers rights, violent and abusive dads and their allies in the west are arguing for exactly this kind of oppressive and authoritiarian society.

http://arabnews.com/saudiarabia/article486774.ece

Local Press: A vicious culture we must do away with

By HISSAH AL-ALSHEIKH | AL-WATAN

Published: Aug 11, 2011 01:37 Updated: Aug 11, 2011 01:37

HERE are a couple of reactions to the story of Ahmad, the Taif child who was murdered by his stepmother.

I have chosen reactions from two mothers who lived in a situation similar to Ahmad’s mother and were deprived of their natural right to raise their own children.

The first story comes from a mother who has urged society to be fair to biological mothers who are separated from their children and have to live knowing their children are in the care of negligent fathers and stepmothers. Her children became victims to their fathers’ irresponsibility.

“Many children are used by their fathers as whips to lash their mothers’ backs. How could they separate me from my children for over three years? Their sadist father compels them to even hang up the phone when speaking to me. Who will return them back to me? Who will help me present my case to the authorities? When will I see justice happen?”

The second case is of a mother who lost her little girl in similar circumstances. She related her story to many social institutions hoping to find a solution to her crisis.

“Since Ahmad was murdered I could not sleep,” she said. “Only five months have passed since I was separated from my daughter, it seems like a century. He (the father) left her in his aunt’s care. The judge stated the father is not qualified to take care of the child and still granted him custody. Human rights organizations said the matter is out of their hands. Child protection bodies said the father did not cooperate with them. They claim that they have no clue whether my child is being abused or tortured in his aunt’s house. I wish someone would take up my case and return my baby to me.”

Why do judges insist on keeping children away from their mothers even when they know the father is abusive and not a suitable parent? All other organizations remain silent. Can the Ministry of Justice help? Or do we just take every individual case directly to our beloved king. We have all seen what happened to Ahmad and Areej. They have been murdered.

We are not asking for miracles; all we need is a review of custody laws. The Ministry of Justice should interfere strongly in the issue before it becomes bloody. Children are not the property of fathers. The inherent culture in our court ensures fathers custody of children even if they are not fit to take care of them.

Ahmad’s mother is an example of an innocent woman whose life has been destroyed by society. We deprived her of her right to custody and gave her child to a criminal couple. She is the victim of an outdated tradition.

Al-Watan published an interview with Ahmad’s stepmother. From the interview, we realize that the woman was confused between her love and hate toward Ahmad. She told the reporter that she didn’t want to kill Ahmad. But when she recalls her own childhood, hate appears. When the reporter tried to find the cause that led her to kill the innocent child, she discovered that Ahmad’s father was beating her and she wanted revenge.

The story contains contradictions. The woman said she was forced into marrying Ahmad’s father and no one listened to her. She sought revenge against society.

The whole episode reflects the overall culture of oppressed women who eventually seek divorce, returning to parents with shattered dreams in an environment only supporting male attitudes and which treats divorced women as a curse.

The murderer tried to convince her husband several times to return Ahmad to his real mother but he always refused. He was always busy and away from her and his children. However, he treated her badly and held her responsible for any mistake that happened. He did not let her leave the house in his absence and she was locked up with the children as if she was in prison.

Whenever she complained to her parents she got the same reply: Be patient. A fear that gradually grew inside her and generated all this hate. The compassion and mercy inside her started to disappear gradually. She began to beat the child regularly. She then started to think what would happen if he died. She eventually killed the child and left the body in an abandoned building. She allegedly kissed him farewell.

She explained that for nine days before the crime was discovered her husband thought Ahmad had been kidnapped by his mother.

In Al-Watan’s report the stepmother “cried and asked for mercy, holding her parents and husband responsible for her horrible crime”.

A culture of victimizing will not end crimes. Crime, including abuse of children, is a measure of corruption in society. We should all stand against such insults, set fair rules and say farewell to this vicious culture.