Many abusers use custody battles as way to seek control (Springfield, Missouri)

Kudos to Sarah Okeson and the Springfield News-Leader for an excellent piece!

http://www.news-leader.com/article/20120115/NEWS01/201150333/custody-battles-abusers?odyssey=mod%7Cnewswell%7Ctext%7CHome%7Cs


Many abusers use custody battles as way to seek control
"When you think about it, it's all about them. They're doing this to hurt her. They're hurting the children, and they don't care."

11:00 PM, Jan. 14, 2012


Written by Sarah Okeson
News-Leader

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Domestic violence advocates say batterers sometimes use child custody proceedings as a way to continue to exert control.

"They can control so much of what happens to the children," said Jackie Johnson, the children's services supervisor for Harmony House. "They can make sure that when the children are with them there won't be any boundaries. When you think about it, it's all about them. They're doing this to hurt her. They're hurting the children, and they don't care."

Missouri is what's considered a "friendly parent" state, meaning that state law tells judges to presume that joint custody is in the best interest of the child. Parents are supposed to share custody so that the child has "frequent, continuing and meaningful contact" with both parents.

But Kendall Seal, an attorney with Legal Services of Southern Missouri, said this language can lead to problems when there's domestic violence.

"How can it be meaningful if the child is watching his mother being abused?" Seal asked. "There's not a lot of discussion about what that means in terms of domestic violence."

Missouri law requires divorce judges to consider the mental and physical health of people in the case and a history of any abuse. If a judge decides that awarding custody of a child to an abusive parent is in the child's best interest, the judge must explain this decision in writing.

Seal said this can happen if the abusive parent successfully manipulates the court system.

"Victims of domestic violence can be made to appear less healthy and less stable in court, especially without legal counsel, which is a result of the abuse they have suffered," Seal said. "Abusers capitalize on this appearance and present a cognitive frame to the court that they are the 'responsible parent,' and the victim is in fact mentally unstable and financially unwise. Far too often this results in abusers being given too much control over children and the non-abusive parent."

Springfield attorney Mark Millsap said a judge might award custody to an abusive parent if there is domestic abuse on both sides.

"The judge typically does not have the choice of two perfectly functioning, stable and emotionally supportive parents to place custody," Millsap said. "The judge must view the custodial placement from the perspective of the best interests of the child, all within the parameters of the controlling statutes. That is not an easy thing to do."

Millsap said judges here take domestic violence very seriously when deciding child custody.

"If they suspect there's any credibility to the allegation, I think they tend to err on the side of caution," Millsap said.

About two dozen other states such as New Jersey have stronger statutes than Missouri for addressing domestic violence and child custody decisions. These laws, modeled after language developed by the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, say that the court assumes -- unless someone proves otherwise -- that it is not in the best interest of the child to be placed in the custody of a perpetrator of family violence.

Zachary Wilson, the development director for the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence, said he thinks Missouri should have the stronger language. The coalition has not taken a position, and there's no pending legislation that would make that change.

"I believe it should be that way," he said. "I don't believe it's going to get that way any time soon."

Toby Kleinman, a New Jersey attorney who is an associate editor of The Journal of Child Custody, said a schism sometimes exists between what the law says and how it is implemented. She said batterers, who are often male, often appear more professional and believable while the ex-wives come across as hysterical and angry.

"If you've been beaten time and time again, you might have post-traumatic stress syndrome," Kleinman said. "One of the hallmarks of PTSD is anger. Well, you're not supposed to be angry. One of the things that family courts want and expect from custodial parents is that they can set aside their anger for the welfare of the child. That's not an unreasonable request, except when you've been brutalized by the other parent."