Killler Dads and Custody Lists

Monday, July 18, 2011

How the media glamorizes custodial dads--even when they ADMIT they're abusive alcoholics (Oklahoma)

Another warm and fuzzy custodial daddy article--could have been taken from the press release of a local fathers rights group.

Well, well. Let's look at what's behind this fluff. Our poor glamour daddy here--who has it SO TOUGH being a single parent--is an alcoholic wife beater (BY HIS OWN ADMISSION!) who suddenly found Jesus. How convenient for him. And somehow, so convenient that the Mom who apparently managed to hold this family together while Dad WILLIAM DURAN was in prison suddenly and inexplicably deserted her children because she had drug problems. But only, presumably, after Daddy got out of prison. Really? Well, I guess we're left taking the word of the battering boozer here, because her side of this heart-warming tale has been conveniently left out.

Yet another example of blatant PRO-FATHERS RIGHTS BIAS in the media. In reality, evidence shows that abusive men are remarkably successful at getting child custody. But the reporter chooses to ignore that evidence, doesn't she?

http://www.newsok.com/census-oklahoma-has-more-mr.-moms-and-ms.-dads-raising-children/article/3586524?custom_click=headlines_widget

Census: Oklahoma has more Mr. Moms and Ms. Dads raising children

More single parents are raising their children alone in Oklahoma, with single fathers representing the biggest percentage jump of 40 percent, according to the U.S. Census Bureau

BY SONYA COLBERG scolberg@opubco.com   
Published: July 17, 2011
Sitting in a church pew with his five children stair-stepped next to him, William Duran looks more like Mr. Mom than an ex-con.

He's both. And he's found patching his life back together on the outside has almost made prison look like Sunday school.

“It's been really difficult, being Mr. Mom,” said Duran, 35.

Beyond dealing with his emotions and those of the children after his wife left, Duran has struggled most with getting baby-sitting while he works. In fact, he was temporarily laid off from his construction job of three years when he missed work because he couldn't find affordable, steady care for his children, ages 22 months to 9.

“A month ago, I was stressed out. I didn't know how I was going to pay the bills,” said Duran, who was rehired by his former boss and elder at Newsong Church about three weeks ago.

“There was the possibility of Satan seeping into my life. Satan and I used to have a good relationship, until the Lord stepped into my life,” Duran said.

Without a driver's license for a dozen years because of driving violations, he's seen in Grove pushing 22-month-old Dax in a baby carriage with Javlynn, 4, Devon, 6, Dustin, 7, and Denton, 9, in tow during carefully planned — and budgeted — trips to the store.

Single parents

Similar struggles are common among Oklahoma parents raising their children solo. More than 168,600 single parents raise their children alone in Oklahoma, up nearly 19 percent in the last decade.

Duran represents part of the fastest growing segment of that population: single-father households, which jumped by 40 percent to 45,934. The number is still significantly less than single-mother households, a category that U.S. Census Bureau figures show rose by 12 percent to 122,699.

Some studies indicate the trend may be pushed by more men becoming involved in their children's lives after divorce, more often seeking custody or sharing custody.

Limiting opportunities

But other contributing factors may be the state's great single-parent population and Oklahoma's number one ranking in incarceration of women. And single parents also tend to be short on money, thus limiting children's opportunities, said Linda Terrell,  Oklahoma Institute for Child Advocacy executive director.

“I strongly believe that having as many caring adults in the life of a child on a regular basis is critical for everything from early brain development, to socialization, to emotional skill development, to learning how to be in relations with others. ... As a single parent, you have a limited number of caring adults usually in your life,” Terrell said.

Duran said he's thankful that church members have helped fill the gap in support for his family. He said that's something he desperately needed as both a father and a recovering alcoholic.

He said he abused his common-law wife so many times that a judge finally told him to choose a Nebraska prison or county jail.

He said he's glad he served two years in prison, alongside murderers and child molesters, because he found God in church services held behind those bars.

Changed life

He said they'll make it.

“I didn't turn out so well, but I'm doing my best, and I think I have accomplished a lot. But I'm not done. Being with the Lord, growing with him is an all lifetime kind of deal,” Duran said.

Terrell said communities can help by reaching out to the single moms and dads down the street.

“I would say vote and get involved in making sure we have policymakers and elected officials at all levels that are prioritizing children,” she said. “None of us can do this alone.” He got out of prison as a changed man in 2008. But he said his common-law wife of 12 years had struggled in drug rehabilitation and ended up leaving him with the responsibility for five hungry mouths and hurting hearts.